your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
