Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
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