I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
