Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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