I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Randomize
