You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
