Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
