Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
