He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize