i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize