I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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