problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Someone shattered a urinal.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
