Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
