the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
