OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Randomize
