I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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