So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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