I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Watching her eat just hurts me
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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