I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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