i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
