Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
