FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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