this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
