If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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