ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
