It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
