from now on my penis is your penis
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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