WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize