Can i not drive my cunt home
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
