he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
