I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
