I must be too annoying 4 u.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
