We won't sleep together?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
