Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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