This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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