i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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