So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize