are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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