My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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