so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
