sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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