If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
