I met the friendliest cop last night
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
