You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
