did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
