Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
