Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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