Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I didn't shave. On purpose
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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