he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize