omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
