my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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