1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
