Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
