Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
