apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
