Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
