Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
