My Higher Power is John Stamos
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
