...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
