After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
where does the pee come out of this thing
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
