Plan B is the new Plan A
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
