So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
