im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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