I want to make a zoo with you.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
