no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
