This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize