Kiss
Puke
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
