apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
